…but as it turns out, I recently did. Man, that is one tough task. When a person means so much to you, no matter what you write, it just doesn’t seem to do their life justice.
At the same time, it’s an honor to be asked to write such important words. It will probably go down as one of the great honors of my life. And after going through the exercise, here are a few things I took from it:
1. It’s OK to keep it short.
Memorializing someone is tough enough. So resist the temptation to tell every story that’s been shared with you. Shorter is often sweeter. And sweet is exactly what you’re looking to accomplish when crafting a remembrance.
2. Find a theme that works and hold on to it.
Zeroing in on a personality trait or specific memory is often a great way to get started. So if the words don’t pour out naturally, latch on to your loved one’s greatest positive or an unforgettable experience you shared with them. That should get things going.
3. Acknowledge the audience.
Just about everyone at the memorial ceremony has a special memory of the deceased. So while it’s natural to share your personal experiences as part of a eulogy, it’s also helpful to call out the element of shared grief and loss. Just as we celebrate together, we mourn together.
4. Don’t be afraid to quote.
Many people use songs and poems to express love and other assorted feelings. If you feel type-tied, it’s perfectly acceptable to quote a song lyric, poetic verse or snippet of scripture if that’s what it takes to deliver a fitting memorial for the one you’ve lost. While writing is a fairly regular activity for me, I followed my own wisdom here and appropriated some verses from a beloved poem to finish out what I had to say.
Now I just need to get through the delivery of the eulogy, which is another beast altogether. For that, I’m going to relax, take my time, print the pages out in bigger font size than usual, and forgive myself if I don’t keep it together.
Sorry for the bummer post, but it was on my mind.
And feel free to disregard my advice and approach it the Monty Python way too…
Neil Dougherty 